The Turtle

I met a turtle today, a real live turtle. I saw him (I am assuming it is a he, although they all look the same to me) through the window of the apartment, he was walking on the side of the road, heading towards the middle of it, he was literally a dead turtle the way he was going, and I couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking. So, I ran out, picked him up and took him back home. I put him on the kitchen counter and proceeded to wait for him to poke his head out. I tried to lure him out with some lettuce, but then succumbed to the fact that I have to be patient and he will come out when he is good and ready. I sat down on the chair placing my elbows on the counter and continued to watch for him move.

Ten minutes later I realized this may take a while. So, in the meantime let's think of a name for you little guy. I used to love watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid (the movies not the cartoon), it seemed strange that I can still remember their names now while I’ve forgotten so many things from my past, but the turtles names are fresh in my mind. let’s see, there was Donatello, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael. Needless to say, Raphael was my favorite; leave it to me to develop a crush on a turtle. But, I identified with him, he was the black sheep of the group, the only one whose name didn’t end in an ‘O’, he was an anti social bad boy, aggressive, fierce and sarcastic, He didn’t quite fit in anywhere. I really should rent the movies sometimes.

Okay, so that is what your name will be little guy, ‘Raphael’, there we go, my own little ninja turtle, all I need now is the toxic waste. Sigh. I wish he would come out already; having a turtle for a pet is turning out to be quite boring.

I decided to finish cleaning up; maybe he will feel better if I wasn’t around. I suppose I wouldn’t come out either if there was this strange creature staring me right in the face. I moved to other side of the kitchen, and started with the dishes, looking back at my turtle every now and then to see if he has poked his head out yet. I left the lettuce leaf right in front of him, in case. I wondered if he drinks water, I couldn’t imagine how he could though.

Finally, I turned around and he was chomping on the lettuce leaf. I watched him for a minute, and then started to slowly move closer, until I was standing right in front of him. I lowered my head, and looked into my Raphael’s eyes, glossy black, with no sign of emotion there. I guess it is too much to ask for gratitude from a turtle, he obviously wasn’t very smart to begin with considering where he was heading a couple of hours ago.

“Hi, Raphael”, I said softly, “My name is Summer, this is where I live. I saved your life, you dumb little thing, you were going to be turtle pancakes if it weren’t for me, what do you think about that??”

Silence.

I guess he’s not much of a conversationalist.

I felt awkward standing in front of the turtle; it was embarrassing enough talking to it, but worse when it wasn’t talking back. What were expecting him to say? “Thank you, ma’am I appreciate your kindness, and this is mighty good lettuce, I haven’t eaten in days, maybe you have a tomato or cucumber to go with that?"

The turtle and I just stared blankly at each other. I didn’t know where to go from here. I never did think that far ahead, part of the reason why I am standing here in this kitchen talking to a turtle anyway.

“Well," I continued, "I guess I should let you know that I’ve named you. And not one of those stupid names you might name a turtle," I assured him, "like ‘pokey’ or ‘mikey’, you actually received a very meaningful name, your named after a teen age mutant ninja turtle, who in turn was named after a very famous renaissance Italian painter.” I said proudly.

Still nothing. Although his eyes seemed to glow a bit when I mentioned the Italian painter. Maybe my little friend had a thing for art? Or Italians? Maybe my little guy is a homosexual turtle?

“Are you little guy? Do you like boy turtles??”

Axh, give it up summer, he’s not going to answer, or do anything. He is a turtle for God’s sake, he can barely walk. What a mundane existence he must live, just him and that shell. Existing only to eat and drink and sleep in that shell. I can’t imagine turtles can play either. Maybe they live in an alternate time atmosphere, maybe in turtle world the way they move is actually quite fast, and only seems slow to other creatures, because our time atmosphere is faster?! It was a good theory, hard to prove but made me feel better anyway.

Still I wasn’t giving up on Raphael just yet.

"Soooo.. Raphael.. tell me, where were you going? Or leaving from? Do you have a family? Friends? A home.. anything nearby?? Did you run away from home? Or maybe your lost? What’s your story?? I’m curious, I am interested, I want to know.. I am listening.

Raphael must have gotten sick of my nosy questions, because he began to move and turn away from me.

“What? Is it a sore subject? Not ready to talk about it yet? Its okay I understand, take your time.”

He was heading to the edge of the counter. Great, a suicidal turtle.

I picked him up and set him on the floor. He actually looked up at me, finally, a sign of recognition, at least he’s aware of my presence. We are getting somewhere. I kneeled down and put my finger to his head and rubbed it. I didn’t know if that is anyway to pet a turtle, hell, I didn’t know if turtles are supposed to be pet, but he didn’t seem to mind and so we were both content.

"You’re probably wondering what you are doing in this place? How you got here aren’t you? One minute you’re in your habitat, earth, trees, grass, and the next all you can see around you is cold stone and granite. I know how you feel; I wonder how the hell I got here too. But it’s not so bad. You can get used to it, at least it is safe, and you can’t get hurt here."

I wondered if my husband would abject to Rafael moving in with us. No reason why he should, except that it is something that I want, and so would either dismiss it, or make me beg for it. I don’t know if I reached that level of desperation where I am willing to beg for a turtle.

At that point my husband walked into the kitchen and startled me, he always does that, sneaks into the house, hoping to catch me doing something. It's incredibly frustrating, but I pretend not to know what the hell he’s doing.

“What are you doing?” he asks looking around the kitchen.

“Nothing, finishing the dishes and talking to Rafael”, I answered.

“Whose Rafael?” he’s eyes grew bigger.

“THAT is Rafael” I answered, pointing at my turtle who has abandoned me into his shell, at the sound of my husbands' voice.

“That’s a turtle,” he said looking at me, making sure I understand.

“Yeah I know what it is”

“What is a turtle doing here?” he asked still wondering if I got it.

“He was going to get run over by a car, so I brought him in, and gave him some food,” I said leaving out my conversation with Rafael, “I thought he can stay here with us?”

“We are not living with a turtle”, he said now looking at me as if I were insane.

“Well, maybe just until we find a family for him”, I said hating the whine in my voice.

“No Arab family wants to live with a turtle, you know what we used to do to turtles when we were kids, we’d break the shell and.."

“Okay stop, stop, not in front of Rafael.”

“Listen, I just want to know, you realize Rafael is a turtle, right?” he said putting his hands on my shoulders and looking at me closely.

“Yeah of course, I know he’s a turtle", a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, I thought.

“Ok, then you won't mind if I throw him back outside where he belongs”

“No, no please, we’ll keep him here tonight, and then tomorrow I will take him to my parents house, we have a big backyard, he will be happy”.

“I am not sleeping with a turtle in this house”

“Why the hell not? Are you afraid the turtle is going to take over or kill you in your sleep?”

“Summer, I cannot believe that we are having this discussion about a turtle. It’s just a turtle.”

“Exactly, it is just a turtle.”

"You know I don't like animals"

Well, I don't like you but I live with you.

"No, I know that you are allergic to cats and dogs, but I don't know you don't like animals."

"Yeah, well, I don't like them because I am allergic to them."

"Yeah, well, I don't think anyone in the world is allergic to turtles."

"You know, in all my imagination of marriage, the last thing I imagined was that would be standing in a kitchen, a turtle between us, explaining to you why we can't keep it."

Really? I thought, of everything we've been through, THAT is the last thing you imagined? but I said: "yeah, life is unpredictable like that."

"What does that supposed to mean? Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, just making a social commentary about the irony of life." I answered back, okay now is the time to end that sentence with a smile, this conversation is one word away from turning into a full blown war, who I am sure the first victim of which will be my poor Raphael.

“Do you really want to go there? Do you really want to turn this into something because of a turtle?”, he said moving closer.

“No, not because of a turtle, because you won’t even listen to me, you won’t let me state my case about the turtle.”

“Ok,” he leaned back against the counter, “go ahead, I’m listening, why do we need a turtle in our lives?”

“First of all we are helping a poor animal, and second of all he’ll keep me company when you are not around.” You know those two hours you manage to leave the house, and “I’ve grown attached to him.”

“You’ve grown attached to a turtle in two hours?”

“Well, yeah.. is it such a big deal?”

“If you want something to keep you company why don’t we just have a baby?”

Because I am not insane.

“Don’t start that, I am asking for a turtle, and you turn this into a baby conversation? That’s hardly fair.”

“Well? Why the hell not?”

Because your unemployed, because I hate you, because your dangerous, because I wouldn’t trust you around this turtle alone nevertheless a baby, because you are a lying, manipulative, selfish bastard, because I have no idea how we are living, or where food money is coming from, because the only reason you want a child Is because you think that way I will never leave you, because I am prepared to suffer the consequences of my actions but will not impose my decisions on an innocent life, because the very idea of a baby having any one of your characteristics makes me sick to my stomach, because I’d rather die first.

No, I didn’t say that, I think it all the time and the thoughts are getting closer and closer to the surface, I know one day they will burst out of me, but not today. Instead what I said was:” Because we are in the process of nesting, our nest is still being built and it takes time, I need to feel secure.”

“We are secure, my family is a short car drive away, we would never need anything.”

“That is not my idea of security, I am the one in charge of our finances remember? And as your accountant I am telling you, we are as far away from secure as can be.”

“We make do.”

“I don’t want to make do, I want a steady income.”

“I can’t work a 9-5 job, I can’t be locked up in an office, and I can’t take orders from anyone.”

“Fair enough, do your thing, I want you to be happy with whatever it is your doing, but let me work then..”

“Ah I knew it, that’s what this is about, you want to work, find someone new, sorry babe, I don’t trust you enough to go there.” he started laughing; “It is really cute that you tried though.”

Go to hell.

“Forget about it, it is impossible to talk to you. Let’s just focus on the turtle.”

“The turtle goes; if you want we will take him to your family’s house after dinner. Get it out of my face for now.”

So I smiled, laid my anger aside and tried a different approach.

"Come on baby, please. Just for tonight, then we will take him to my family, come on." I was whining again.

He stood there thinking about it.

Damn you, why are you making this so difficult?

"Fine, but keep it out of my face, put it out on the balcony, okay?"

"Okay, thank you."

"I'm going to go change."

I walked towards Raphael, who was still hiding in his shell, and I sat down on the floor next to him, picked up his shell and looked in; "Did you hear that Rafael? Did you hear what the evil man wanted?? I ask for a piece of bread and he asks for the world. That is how it is with him, always demanding more and more, no matter how much I give. I wonder what will happen when I have nothing to offer anymore." I took a deep breath. "Anyway, its okay, you don't want to live here, if he gets mad at me you will sure to be turtle soup, and neither one of us wants that. Actually, you're lucky, tomorrow I will take you to my family, they will take care of you, and you will be happy. My parents’ home is like a zoo anyway, we have a dog, two cats, pigeons, a parrot, two sheep who live in the back yard named Charles and Edward, and a goose named Sebastian. But I would stay away from him he has a superiority complex. Anyway, you will be very happy there."

"Did you say something?" my husband yelled back.

My God he has the hearing ability of a bat.

"Sure," I yelled back, "I was wondering if you wanted yogurt or salad with dinner?"

"Both."


Of course.

"THAT Rafael", I continued "is what a horses' ass sounds like."

No response. Raphael wasn't coming out of his shell; the drama frightened him in, for who knows how long. I petted the lovely shell, and thought about how lucky he was. Whenever the world gets too scary he can just hide into that shell of his, until the scary things go away. If only we were all so lucky.