The question I keep asking myself is this: Are all women this gullible? Seriously. You'd think that an intelligent, attractive and self-proclaimed woman would know when she was being pushed to the wayside. As is the simple fact in most cases, but nope... it is not so.
There is this little thing called denial. We all do it. "Does this make me look fat?" No, your fat makes you look fat. "Would you love me if I was mangled in some accident?" (Translated: "Would you still be attracted to me if I were missing half my face and were a quadriplegic?") Love and attraction don't necessarily go hand in hand- unless, in general, you're male. "Does this blouse go with these pants?" Please, don't try to justify a plaid and a striped matching-EVER. "Does this shade of lipstick look ok?" Are you kidding? It's fluorescent fuschia! "Would you still love me if I got fat?" Give me a break. Do you really think he loves you for your mind? "Do you still love me?" (Also translated: "Are you still in love with me?") Chances are, if you have to ask that question, the REAL answer is emphatically, 'NO!' (Well, it's probably more like: 'No, you moron, but I'm just so comfortable in the relationship that I don't really think about leaving you anymore. Dummy.')
Sadly, we women don't take the cues. In fact, we are probably in the queue. (You know what I mean here... don't make this more difficult than it is.) You accidentally read a seemingly meaningless email from some female to your guy... you hear a voicemail. It's all just enough to pique your imagination. It's just so scandalous. But you don't say anything, because there is always that what if....
So where does one go from here? Does one decide to employ any of this wonderful logic and rid herself of said guy? No, C'mon. We're trying to "Stand by" our "Man". We're hoping and praying that this guy is the "Prince". That he isn't like every other XY Chromosome walking around out there. Guess what? The faerie tales were wrong, ladies. What you didn't hear about after the "Happily Ever After" nonsense was Prince Phillip badmouthing Princess Aurora to his buddies, complaining about her "incessant nagging" and "growing waistline" that she didn't get until "after she popped a few brats out". Yah, everything is great in the beginning, just give it time.
I know, it's not always like that, I'm just generalizing. Maybe I see my friends falling into the same patterns I've been through time and time again. Maybe, maybe, maybe... Maybe I'm just tired of wasting my time hoping that everything will turn out rosie one day. Maybe I'm just seeing things in a little different light than I usually like to allow myself. Maybe I just like to talk..Oh, I can read all the comments now: 'But, Summer... Why are you so cynical? I thought you were happily involved in a relationship???' Well, who says I'm not the happiest little peach on the tree? Maybe I'm just waiting to fall....
Bottom line is this: if we keep lying to ourselves, justifying everything to ourselves, making excuses for the entire species on OUR account no less? We will never get closer to the "real thing", and happiness will continue to elude. How can you get angry when someone lies to you, when you are lying to yourself the rest of the time, and who are you to judge a cheater, when you are cheating yourself of your own true worth?
Denial is a world of its own that we can inhabit into our surely demise, the price we pay is high, and I don't know about you boys and girls, but I refuse to live a lie. I cannot justify settling down for the sake of comfort or fear of the unknown. And personally, I'd rather go through this world alone, than sacrifice passion, tenderness and love.. because at least with each new hope my heart will flutter, and I will feel the quickening pace of my heart and life running through my veins.
Passion fades, and every relationship no matter how strongly it begins will mutate into that quite calm love that will become buried by the realities and responsibilities of everyday life: Men will cheat, women will cheat, everyone will lie, children will change the balance and suddenly you don't know how you got here. You forgot you chose it, as if at some point it all took a life of its own. You take consolation in a few things to fill in the emptiness in your heart, some chose god, others fall in love with their children and make them their life (to the detriment of the poor child), you become a workaholic, get a lover on the side, and settle into your routine, as you go on in your comfortable disillusioned life. And, before you know it, you are sixty, close to retirement, your children have their own life that doesn't include you and you find yourself mourning a long lost love and a life that could have been. Suddenly, you wish you took more chances, and no longer understand why you felt so strongly about the course you chose for your life in the first place. I think this is where the term 'young and stupid' came from.. and why wisdom comes with age.
This is not pessimism talking my friends, these are my observations and the reason why i uproot and will continue to uproot myself from any relationship that is harmful to me. No, contrary to common sense, I am a hopeless romantic, and will bear anything for love. But i will not bear to be treated badly or unfairly. I will not bear a partner who will not fight for passion and love, i will not tolerate disloyalty, lies or illusions. You can all say i have my head in the clouds, but you know something, i've seen true love, i beleive it, and i will have it... eventually.
Now, again, don't get me wrong. I am not against settling down. As with every woman my hormones do go wild every few weeks and I find myself on a floor in a corner molesting a pillow and begging for the husband, baby, SUV and back yard.
But, why must we succumb to desperation? Why must we allow ourselves to be cheated by fooling ourselves to remain in a relationship that is not right for us? Simply because it is better than the alternative? Why can't we simply have faith that the right person WILL come along (whether we seek them or not)?
And what do we do until then you ask?
Just Live. Be happy. Create a life for yourself that you will proud to share with that special someone. Happiness will not come from a relationship. Relaying on another person to make you happy is a recipe for disaster. It is an unfair burden we place on that person, because they are sure to fail. And when they do, they will be met with our disappointment and resentment. A relationship should simply be the icing on your already well baked, deliciously, devilishly, sinfully, tempting cake called your life!
There is this little thing called denial. We all do it. "Does this make me look fat?" No, your fat makes you look fat. "Would you love me if I was mangled in some accident?" (Translated: "Would you still be attracted to me if I were missing half my face and were a quadriplegic?") Love and attraction don't necessarily go hand in hand- unless, in general, you're male. "Does this blouse go with these pants?" Please, don't try to justify a plaid and a striped matching-EVER. "Does this shade of lipstick look ok?" Are you kidding? It's fluorescent fuschia! "Would you still love me if I got fat?" Give me a break. Do you really think he loves you for your mind? "Do you still love me?" (Also translated: "Are you still in love with me?") Chances are, if you have to ask that question, the REAL answer is emphatically, 'NO!' (Well, it's probably more like: 'No, you moron, but I'm just so comfortable in the relationship that I don't really think about leaving you anymore. Dummy.')
Sadly, we women don't take the cues. In fact, we are probably in the queue. (You know what I mean here... don't make this more difficult than it is.) You accidentally read a seemingly meaningless email from some female to your guy... you hear a voicemail. It's all just enough to pique your imagination. It's just so scandalous. But you don't say anything, because there is always that what if....
So where does one go from here? Does one decide to employ any of this wonderful logic and rid herself of said guy? No, C'mon. We're trying to "Stand by" our "Man". We're hoping and praying that this guy is the "Prince". That he isn't like every other XY Chromosome walking around out there. Guess what? The faerie tales were wrong, ladies. What you didn't hear about after the "Happily Ever After" nonsense was Prince Phillip badmouthing Princess Aurora to his buddies, complaining about her "incessant nagging" and "growing waistline" that she didn't get until "after she popped a few brats out". Yah, everything is great in the beginning, just give it time.
I know, it's not always like that, I'm just generalizing. Maybe I see my friends falling into the same patterns I've been through time and time again. Maybe, maybe, maybe... Maybe I'm just tired of wasting my time hoping that everything will turn out rosie one day. Maybe I'm just seeing things in a little different light than I usually like to allow myself. Maybe I just like to talk..Oh, I can read all the comments now: 'But, Summer... Why are you so cynical? I thought you were happily involved in a relationship???' Well, who says I'm not the happiest little peach on the tree? Maybe I'm just waiting to fall....
Bottom line is this: if we keep lying to ourselves, justifying everything to ourselves, making excuses for the entire species on OUR account no less? We will never get closer to the "real thing", and happiness will continue to elude. How can you get angry when someone lies to you, when you are lying to yourself the rest of the time, and who are you to judge a cheater, when you are cheating yourself of your own true worth?
Denial is a world of its own that we can inhabit into our surely demise, the price we pay is high, and I don't know about you boys and girls, but I refuse to live a lie. I cannot justify settling down for the sake of comfort or fear of the unknown. And personally, I'd rather go through this world alone, than sacrifice passion, tenderness and love.. because at least with each new hope my heart will flutter, and I will feel the quickening pace of my heart and life running through my veins.
Passion fades, and every relationship no matter how strongly it begins will mutate into that quite calm love that will become buried by the realities and responsibilities of everyday life: Men will cheat, women will cheat, everyone will lie, children will change the balance and suddenly you don't know how you got here. You forgot you chose it, as if at some point it all took a life of its own. You take consolation in a few things to fill in the emptiness in your heart, some chose god, others fall in love with their children and make them their life (to the detriment of the poor child), you become a workaholic, get a lover on the side, and settle into your routine, as you go on in your comfortable disillusioned life. And, before you know it, you are sixty, close to retirement, your children have their own life that doesn't include you and you find yourself mourning a long lost love and a life that could have been. Suddenly, you wish you took more chances, and no longer understand why you felt so strongly about the course you chose for your life in the first place. I think this is where the term 'young and stupid' came from.. and why wisdom comes with age.
This is not pessimism talking my friends, these are my observations and the reason why i uproot and will continue to uproot myself from any relationship that is harmful to me. No, contrary to common sense, I am a hopeless romantic, and will bear anything for love. But i will not bear to be treated badly or unfairly. I will not bear a partner who will not fight for passion and love, i will not tolerate disloyalty, lies or illusions. You can all say i have my head in the clouds, but you know something, i've seen true love, i beleive it, and i will have it... eventually.
Now, again, don't get me wrong. I am not against settling down. As with every woman my hormones do go wild every few weeks and I find myself on a floor in a corner molesting a pillow and begging for the husband, baby, SUV and back yard.
But, why must we succumb to desperation? Why must we allow ourselves to be cheated by fooling ourselves to remain in a relationship that is not right for us? Simply because it is better than the alternative? Why can't we simply have faith that the right person WILL come along (whether we seek them or not)?
And what do we do until then you ask?
Just Live. Be happy. Create a life for yourself that you will proud to share with that special someone. Happiness will not come from a relationship. Relaying on another person to make you happy is a recipe for disaster. It is an unfair burden we place on that person, because they are sure to fail. And when they do, they will be met with our disappointment and resentment. A relationship should simply be the icing on your already well baked, deliciously, devilishly, sinfully, tempting cake called your life!
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