Now, anyone who knows me, understands that i take dating very casually, and just enjoy meeting new people.. learning about someones life, and most of the time we become good friends. Also, if you know me, i usually remain friends with ex boyfriends, husbands, strangers.. i'm pretty awesome like that..ahem..ahem. But in New York, not only do i never want to see you again, and if you attempt to be my friend i will bite you.. but anytime i remember you i wish the heavens and hell would crush you and God above strike you with all the plagues of Egypt and beyond (feel free to use this prayer on your worse enemies, it works!). Now i am not being dramatic, this is based on a few dates recently. I will tell you about my date with the still living in the past American, The self hating Palestinian, the opinionated Lebanese, and the crazy Russian.
So. Date #1: The American.. sigh.. usually i save myself the trouble. Your cute, your fun i am sure, and smart. But we have nothing in common. I don't like the US and its your home, so already we are going to argue. Yes, i will be quiet at first, nod my head, smile and say very little, but eventually i will break loose and you will look at me confused and a little frightened. Your hand will slowly be edging towards your phone, to call homeland security which i am sure you have on speed dial. What? your mom is calling.. oh sorry i didn't mean to grab the phone from your like that..haha.. silly me.. i was just kidding..hehe..you don't think that is funny?? okay well i admit i am paranoid, that is another reason it will never work.
Yup all this happened, but this was only my side of the story. Lets no forget that he had nothing to say that didn't start with "when i was a senior at blablabla, we went to blablablabla, and got sooo shit faced. then we went to blablabla, and this chick blablabla..oh God that was amazing, you should've seen it.." well .. umm, no thank you so much i need to get the fuck out of here. Have a nice life. Its not your fault really, i just really hate you, and you know sometimes in life you just meet people that you want nothing more than to punch in their face, but that's just chemistry nothing personal.
ufffttt..
Date # 2: The estranged Palestinian. This one i was excited about. Palestinian, a few years older than I, a good job, seems funny.. we had a nice give and take in conversation. What can possibly go wrong?. well everything was fine, until it occurred to me that we were only speaking English. And the few times i speak Arabic he seems a bit uncomfortable. Finally, i ask him .."i'm sorry, do you not speak good Arabic?".. no no, he responds, i do. I just don't like to speak it". What ? Why? .. well i am an American now. *silence*.. i am speechless.. i have nothing , nothing to say. You can imagine how hard it is for me, i always have something to say, i say .. i say stupid things, vague things, meaningless things, doesn't matter.. i will always speak. But this time.. nothing. Upon further probing, i realize i am dating the self hating Palestinian. He doesn't need others to tell him he's a terrorist.. he will gladly admit it, and apologize for it. He will make fun of Arabic culture, thinking, families, people before the most racist or ignorant foreigner. He just hates himself, his family, his origins and therefore i concluded, must hate me. I spent two hours trying to figure this guy out, agreeing with everything he has to say to get him to speak .. until finally i asked him that if this is how he feels why is he going out with an Arab?? He said he felt that i was the same way and he's glad he was right. Needless to say when i told him what i really thought about him, he couldn't get to the door fast enough, thankfully he had already paid for the drinks and dinner, so it paid off to hold back a little.. phewwww...
ahhh the lebenese. I loooooove them. They are tall, handsome, and their Arabic accent makes me just want to throw myself in their arms and say take me, take me now. So i felt i had won the lottery when he asked me out..yes! I took extra time to get ready, i left nothing to chance.. i will not mess up this opportunity. We go out to this awesome place, he looks amazing, i am ready to give up all my notions about how stupid it is to fall in love, he's charming and funny, compliments me endlessly, and i am just the happiest girl in the world. Until halfway through the meal, he starts talking about how he wants to get married.. and then i go and tell him my notions on marriage and that i find it completely unnecessary at this point in my life. An answer he sees as an opening to tell me that i should be getting my act together, time is passing, i should be married with kids, my life is pointless the way it is.. blablablabla.. i attempt to argue as i choke back the tears of anger and disappointment at this blatant judgement of my life. Then i realize..this sounds familiar.. he is trying to scare me.. my ex husband used the same tactics to get me to marry him five years ago.. what the hell?.. so i smile, relax, and counter every comment with how amazing my life is, and how free i feel, etc, etc.. he is growing irritated with me by the minute.. and finally throws his napkin on the table and says "i don't think we are going to agree". Well of course not, if your notion of agreement is me agreeing with everything you say and cowering like a scared child begging you to save me from my increasing loneliness... you jerk!
so that was that.. miss you the most though.. maybe i over reacted with you.. if you read this ..call me !
Finally, The crazy Russian. Russians are awesome people, they love drinking, they love having fun, they are good looking, interesting history, tough, they smoke and are F*&^ing crazy. I like going out with Russians, because you really never know where you were going to end up. Whenever i go out with my Russian friends, i sometimes don't come home until two days later.. my brother just looks me up and down and says "out with the Russians?".. i nod my head and stumble towards my bed and go into a deep coma. That is what they do to me. But dating one? that is asking for trouble.. first of all they drink a lot and become aggressive.. so i spend most of the evening trying to keep them out of trouble. Then there is this jumping around from one place to another.. making it hard for me to get to know this person.. sometimes they break shit, and other times they cause major drama, but most of the time things end when the police come and take him away. Its really too much, i admit i just can't keep up with Russian men.. I learned that the hard way, but now that i know.. i can avoid them..:(
Feel free to comment on whether or not you agree with me about these types of men.. or if you have any new suggestions ;)
