Dating in NY: A Palestinian Point of View

Now, anyone who knows me, understands that i take dating very casually, and just enjoy meeting new people.. learning about someones life, and most of the time we become good friends. Also, if you know me, i usually remain friends with ex boyfriends, husbands, strangers.. i'm pretty awesome like that..ahem..ahem. But in New York, not only do i never want to see you again, and if you attempt to be my friend i will bite you.. but anytime i remember you i wish the heavens and hell would crush you and God above strike you with all the plagues of Egypt and beyond (feel free to use this prayer on your worse enemies, it works!). Now i am not being dramatic, this is based on a few dates recently. I will tell you about my date with the still living in the past American, The self hating Palestinian, the opinionated Lebanese, and the crazy Russian.

So. Date #1: The American.. sigh.. usually i save myself the trouble. Your cute, your fun i am sure, and smart. But we have nothing in common. I don't like the US and its your home, so already we are going to argue. Yes, i will be quiet at first, nod my head, smile and say very little, but eventually i will break loose and you will look at me confused and a little frightened. Your hand will slowly be edging towards your phone, to call homeland security which i am sure you have on speed dial. What? your mom is calling.. oh sorry i didn't mean to grab the phone from your like that..haha.. silly me.. i was just kidding..hehe..you don't think that is funny?? okay well i admit i am paranoid, that is another reason it will never work.

Yup all this happened, but this was only my side of the story. Lets no forget that he had nothing to say that didn't start with "when i was a senior at blablabla, we went to blablablabla, and got sooo shit faced. then we went to blablabla, and this chick blablabla..oh God that was amazing, you should've seen it.." well .. umm, no thank you so much i need to get the fuck out of here. Have a nice life. Its not your fault really, i just really hate you, and you know sometimes in life you just meet people that you want nothing more than to punch in their face, but that's just chemistry nothing personal.

ufffttt..

Date # 2: The estranged Palestinian. This one i was excited about. Palestinian, a few years older than I, a good job, seems funny.. we had a nice give and take in conversation. What can possibly go wrong?. well everything was fine, until it occurred to me that we were only speaking English. And the few times i speak Arabic he seems a bit uncomfortable. Finally, i ask him .."i'm sorry, do you not speak good Arabic?".. no no, he responds, i do. I just don't like to speak it". What ? Why? .. well i am an American now. *silence*.. i am speechless.. i have nothing , nothing to say. You can imagine how hard it is for me, i always have something to say, i say .. i say stupid things, vague things, meaningless things, doesn't matter.. i will always speak. But this time.. nothing. Upon further probing, i realize i am dating the self hating Palestinian. He doesn't need others to tell him he's a terrorist.. he will gladly admit it, and apologize for it. He will make fun of Arabic culture, thinking, families, people before the most racist or ignorant foreigner. He just hates himself, his family, his origins and therefore i concluded, must hate me. I spent two hours trying to figure this guy out, agreeing with everything he has to say to get him to speak .. until finally i asked him that if this is how he feels why is he going out with an Arab?? He said he felt that i was the same way and he's glad he was right. Needless to say when i told him what i really thought about him, he couldn't get to the door fast enough, thankfully he had already paid for the drinks and dinner, so it paid off to hold back a little.. phewwww...

ahhh the lebenese. I loooooove them. They are tall, handsome, and their Arabic accent makes me just want to throw myself in their arms and say take me, take me now. So i felt i had won the lottery when he asked me out..yes! I took extra time to get ready, i left nothing to chance.. i will not mess up this opportunity. We go out to this awesome place, he looks amazing, i am ready to give up all my notions about how stupid it is to fall in love, he's charming and funny, compliments me endlessly, and i am just the happiest girl in the world. Until halfway through the meal, he starts talking about how he wants to get married.. and then i go and tell him my notions on marriage and that i find it completely unnecessary at this point in my life. An answer he sees as an opening to tell me that i should be getting my act together, time is passing, i should be married with kids, my life is pointless the way it is.. blablablabla.. i attempt to argue as i choke back the tears of anger and disappointment at this blatant judgement of my life. Then i realize..this sounds familiar.. he is trying to scare me.. my ex husband used the same tactics to get me to marry him five years ago.. what the hell?.. so i smile, relax, and counter every comment with how amazing my life is, and how free i feel, etc, etc.. he is growing irritated with me by the minute.. and finally throws his napkin on the table and says "i don't think we are going to agree". Well of course not, if your notion of agreement is me agreeing with everything you say and cowering like a scared child begging you to save me from my increasing loneliness... you jerk!

so that was that.. miss you the most though.. maybe i over reacted with you.. if you read this ..call me !

Finally, The crazy Russian. Russians are awesome people, they love drinking, they love having fun, they are good looking, interesting history, tough, they smoke and are F*&^ing crazy. I like going out with Russians, because you really never know where you were going to end up. Whenever i go out with my Russian friends, i sometimes don't come home until two days later.. my brother just looks me up and down and says "out with the Russians?".. i nod my head and stumble towards my bed and go into a deep coma. That is what they do to me. But dating one? that is asking for trouble.. first of all they drink a lot and become aggressive.. so i spend most of the evening trying to keep them out of trouble. Then there is this jumping around from one place to another.. making it hard for me to get to know this person.. sometimes they break shit, and other times they cause major drama, but most of the time things end when the police come and take him away. Its really too much, i admit i just can't keep up with Russian men.. I learned that the hard way, but now that i know.. i can avoid them..:(

Feel free to comment on whether or not you agree with me about these types of men.. or if you have any new suggestions ;)

The Truth

I don't like telling the truth. Lies are better, easier, simpler. So when people ask me about you, about us, i tell them that i loved you. When you send me a letter asking how i am doing, i tell myself that i loved you. When you ask me if i still love you, i tell you yes, of course i do. I always will, its just such a shame that you are there and i am here. But the truth is.. i don't love you, i never did.. never will.
The truth is you were convenient, safe.
You were good, kind.
You were sweet, loving.
You were fun, cute.
You were in love with me.
That was enough..for a while.
But i was never interested in safety.. or kindness..
I want to argue and have it be fun not dramatic,
I want opinionated, idealistic, motivated.
I want someone who was not afraid of anything. And you my dear were afraid of words, afraid of eyes, afraid of them, us, me. Why so much fear? Even now, when we are no longer together, i fear for the impact of my words on you. So i hope you don't read this, but if you do, don't ask me if all this is true. I will just have to lie to you.. again.. and tell you i love you and only you.

Book Review: The Drinker by Hans Fallada

The Drinker by Hans Fallada is a disturbing book, but a great disturbing book. I found this book by accident, while bored and looking for something to do. I never heard of this author before, but since then i have read all his stuff. Amazing work.

What its About
It is about one man's spiral into alcoholism. The events of which are both shocking and humorous.Written in an encrypted notebook while incarcerated in a Nazi insane asylum and discovered after his death, The Drinker may be Hans Fallada’s most breathtaking piece of craftsmanship. It is an intense yet absorbing study of the descent into drunkenness by an intelligent man who fears he’s lost it all. I have recommended this book to many of my friends and we all had one thing in common while we were reading it: We all wanted a drink.

Bottom Line
If looking for a good book, with an original story and easy read: this book is for you. If you love drinking: this book is for you. But, if you are an alcoholic or recovering i would not recommend it, as you will probably be craving a drink not long into the first chapter. 

How you know your from the Middle East

1. You drank Bebsi, Fanta, Miranda, Sun Top, Tang, and Canada Dry.
2. When you wanted fast food you got a shawarma.
3. You think American restaurants should serve lamb. With rice.
4. Bebsi was cheaper than water. So was gasoline.
5. You remember when 80*F was cold, 90*F was cool, 105*F was warm, and 115*F was hot.
6. You know a friend who won a free car from the local mall. Twice.
7. Gulf Countries: Arabic is the 1st language. Urdu is the 2nd. Filipino is the 3rd. English is the 4th. Balad Ash-Sham: Arabic is the 1st language. English and French are tied for 2nd. Egypt: Egyptian is the 1st language. Arabic is the 2nd... musris, seriously: learn how to pronounce the jeem. It's jamah, NOT GAMAH.
8. Some dumb ass American asked you if you rode a camel to school. And you told him that you've seen more Rolls Royce, Mercedes, BMW, and Lexus automobiles on the streets of Riyadh or Dubai than you've ever seen in the USA.
9. Your school had classes canceled because of a truck bomb or a SCUD missile attack.
10. You know what the Burj Al Arab is.
11. You had satellite TV and never heard of cable until you came to the USA.
12. There are no lines at amusement parks. Push, shove, and run your ass off to get the bumper car before the other guy.
13. Airport workers offer to carry your bags for you and you say no.
14. Friday was the official weekend.
15. People who DIDN’T bribe got into trouble.
16. There was no such thing as a non-smoking section. Anywhere. Even airline flight crews smoked on airplanes. In the aisles. Beside the no-smoking sign.
17. Your parents told you it was too hot to go outside.
18. You know that 3 people can fit on a motorcycle, 8 people can fit in a 5-seat car, and 20 people can fit in a 12-person minibus.
19. Your car or your parents' car was equipped with dual AC's.
20. Casio G-Shock: the only watches you've ever owned.
21. You bought a dagger. And a sword.
22. Almost every McDonalds was two stories tall. The rest were three stories tall.
23. You watched BBC, CNN International, and Al-Jazeera... and consider American news to be for entertainment purposes only.
24. Lion Bar and Kit Kat are the greatest chocolate bars of all time.
25. Your school had armed guards and concrete barricades.
26. You and your friends all thought you were gangstas.
27. You or your neighbor had a driver.
28. Most people on the road don't realize there is a speed limit. Neither does the police.
29. There is NO such thing as Israel. It is Palestine.
30. The movie Aladdin was banned by the government. So were Pokemon.
31. You got back at your friend by pointing at him and yelling, “Yahood!�? when you were in a downtown Damascus Mosque. Your friend was hospitalized for the worst slipper-beating in recorded history.
32. You owned Titanic, Jurrasic Park, and Star Wars Episode 1 weeks before they were playing in U.S. cinemas.
33. You currently own a cellphone that will be sold as the "latest technology" in the USA... in a year.
34. Bizza Hut had beef bebberoni.
35. You thought KFC stood for Kuwaiti Fried Chicken.
36. Everyone at school played football aka "soccer". If there were desis, then some people played cricket.
37. Sports stores were always 90% football aka "soccer" gear, and every kid ended up buying a number 9 Ronaldo Brazil shirt.
38. You know that camels can spit. Far.

They spit

1. The image of one camel mounting another is still burned into your childhood memory.
2. There was actually a point to owning a SUV and now you're extremely pissed at how the USA has transformed a true off-road utility vehicle into a fashion statement for "soccer moms."
3. You know for a fact that bedowins can drive Toyota Land Cruisers, Nissan Patrols, and other 4x4 SUVs better than anyone else on the planet..
4. You've smoked sheesha aka argheela aka hookah aka hubbly bubbly but are shocked to find that the pipe would be considered drug paraphernalia in the USA.
5. You know that the Greeks took shawarmas from the Arabs and just renamed them gyros. And you're outraged.
6. You laughed at how tiny the ants are in the USA.
7. You drank mud aka Turkish Coffee... and you may have even liked it.
8. You rode ATVs, dirt bikes, and jet ski's... when you were 8 years old.
9. You started driving cars on your dad's knee... when you were 4 years old.
10. You root for Saudi Arabia every World Cup... and when they are eliminated, you root for Brazil.
11. Syrian drivers are completely shocked and confused if someone flashes his blinker light before changing lanes or turning.
12. A Syrian cop told you that the stripped white lines on roads are just for decoration.
13. America is called Emreeka.
14. You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?" (And when you do, you get into an elaborate conversation that gets everyone confused and/or makes you sound very spoiled.)
15. You flew before you could walk.
16. You have a passport, but no driver's license.
17. You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
18. You run into someone you know at every airport.
19. Conversations with friends take place at 6:00 in the morning or 10:00 at night.
20. Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
21. You can speak with authority about the quality of various international airlines.
22. You know the true meaning of "football." (and in your mind can hear the shout, "GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")
23. You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
24. Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons: hot and warm.
25. Your school memories include duck-and-cover drills.
26. You are used to being stared at.
27. You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.."
28. Your best friends are from 5 different countries.
29. You ask your roommate when the houseboy is scheduled to come clean.
30. 68. You got days off school for Christian and Muslim holidays.
31. You secretely wished the rulers of other Middle Eastern countries would die so that you got days off school.
32. Not being able to eat in public during the day during the holy month of Ramadan.
33. You are used to giving directions according to landmarks, not street names.
34. You didn't know how to do your own laundry until you left for college.
35. How come the houses in America don't have servants quarters?
36. You are used to seeing Arabic commercials dubbed in British English about Lux soap, Carnation condensed milk and Dove shampoo.
37. Seeing police drive on the shoulder of the road and cut people is not unusual.
38. One word: 'yala'.
39. Any time you submit an application, you attach 500 riyals to "help" it along.
40. You call a taxi a limo, and are confused when it's not a mercedes
41. you roll your eyes everytime you hear a politician/news reporter say "eye-rack"
42. The speed limit is just good advice, not something really to pay attention to
43. When you see people drive their cars whilst reading their newspaper - with 1 foot on the dash!!
44. You replace "uhm" or "like" with "yani"...

Cowboys and Aliens

Going to see the 8:10 show. This is my story.


4:00 PM Try to get feed back for the movie on Facebook. Not working, i don't think many have had the chance to see it yet, or they have and it sucks and don't want to tell me. Internet reviews are unclear, i think the actors are typing those in themselves.


5:07 PM Look for theater playing nearby. Closest is thirty minutes away, not bad for NY, and yay i can take the bus. No shitty subway for me today. Check showtimes for the 100th time. Mentally prepare myself to spend $12.50 (NIS 60) on a movie that may or may not be good.


8:00 PM Leave the house, try to find the bus. 30 minutes later we reach the theater, there is a long line, to see "The smurfs" movie apparently. Begining to wonder if that is what we should be seeing to, but decide to stick to our guns. The smurfs should never have been turned into a movie, i beleive that. I will not alter my principles so late in the game. 



We get our tickets and stand in line at the concession stand. We order two medium cokes, they arrive looking like the biggest cups of coke i have ever seen. We stumble with our drinks trying to find the theater, seems it is on the tenth floor. Lovely. We arrive there after what seems like forever and sit down to enjoy our movie. People are speaking and laughing, that is okay they will shut up when the movie starts. 30 minutes later the movie begins, no one has shut up. Consider yelling at the couple behind us and throwing popcorn on the couple in front of us, but then realize that i am not a confrontational person, and they look like the type who thrive in these situations. I chose to remain silent and listen to the movie. 


Two hours later. I hate my life, i hate this movie, i hate Daniel Graig, i definitely hate Olivia Wilde who has not done anything useful throughout the movie but stare at everything with her eyes. There was no story, no point, you didn't feel anything for the characters, in fact you wanted them to die, all of them, because it would be one less moron to listen to. Too many sub plots, pointless special affects and scenes that felt forced and had no purpose being there. In the end the aliens run away, and what did they want to begin with? Gold. They wanted Gold. Well, of course they did, everyone wanted gold in the old west right? 


I left the theater angry and defeated. What a wasted potential, what a scam, you have all that money, why not make the movie good? Fuck you Faveraux, you have no place directing an action movie anyway. Dragged ourselves home, and after such a movie, being back in bedstuy surrounded by crazy ass people, police and screaming lunatics was a sweet relief. I'll just buy some vodka on the way home, i need to forget this fucking movie ever happened. 

Poem - Remember a Day

REMEMBER A DAY, NOT SO LONG AGO,
PERHAPS IN MAY - OR SOME MONTH OF SPRING,
WHEN WE MET – OR WAS THAT WHEN YOU LEFT?
MY MEMORY IS NOT SO WELL THESE DAYS YOU SEE,
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP REMEMBER THAT DAY FOR ME.

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING
WONDERING WHY YOU WENT AWAY,
I TRIED AND TRIED BUT YOUR WORDS TO ME,
NONE CAN I BRING TO MIND.
SO I DECIDED TO INQUIRE,
IN AN ATTEMPT TO RECALL:

DID WE PART ON GOOD TERMS
OR DID TEARS STAIN THE PATH WE TREAD?
WAS IT A NECISSARY MOVE?
OR WERE WE PLAGUED BY FEAR AND DREAD?

I AM STRUCK WITH CONFUSION YOU SEE,
IF SEPERATION WERE THE SOLUTION,
WHY IS IT NOW I FEEL,NO SENSE OF ABSOLUTION –
ONLY A NAGGING FEAR,
AN IRREPLACABLE LOSS,
A GROWING CERTAINTY,
OR OUR UNCERTAINTY.

MAYBE MY INABLITY TO REMEMBER
IS THE FUEL TO MY FEAR,
SO PLEASE MY DEAR
TELL ME OUR STORY ONCE MORE –
SO THAT I CAN TRY
AND REGAIN MY LIFE,
MY DREAMS, MY SOUL.

REMIND ME AGAIN
WHY WE CAN NO LONGER BE?
WHO WAS AT FAULT?
YOU OR ME?
DID WE TRY ONCE, TWICE OR
JUST LET GO?
MUST HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT –
THE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES,
SO MANY YEARS AGO.

WHAT THE CAUSE COULD BE
I CANNOT FATHOM,
HOW LOVE CAN JUST GO –
I CANNOT IMAGINE.

PLEASE MY DEAR,
YOUR WORDS, I AWAIT WITH DESPERATION,
BEFORE YOUR IMAGE, ONCE SO DEAR,
TO MY DELICATE MEMORY,
BECOME YET ANOTHER OF LIFE'S HALLUCINATION

Women and Relationships

The question I keep asking myself is this: Are all women this gullible? Seriously. You'd think that an intelligent, attractive and self-proclaimed woman would know when she was being pushed to the wayside. As is the simple fact in most cases, but nope... it is not so.

There is this little thing called denial. We all do it. "Does this make me look fat?" No, your fat makes you look fat. "Would you love me if I was mangled in some accident?" (Translated: "Would you still be attracted to me if I were missing half my face and were a quadriplegic?") Love and attraction don't necessarily go hand in hand- unless, in general, you're male. "Does this blouse go with these pants?" Please, don't try to justify a plaid and a striped matching-EVER. "Does this shade of lipstick look ok?" Are you kidding? It's fluorescent fuschia! "Would you still love me if I got fat?" Give me a break. Do you really think he loves you for your mind? "Do you still love me?" (Also translated: "Are you still in love with me?") Chances are, if you have to ask that question, the REAL answer is emphatically, 'NO!' (Well, it's probably more like: 'No, you moron, but I'm just so comfortable in the relationship that I don't really think about leaving you anymore. Dummy.')

Sadly, we women don't take the cues. In fact, we are probably in the queue. (You know what I mean here... don't make this more difficult than it is.) You accidentally read a seemingly meaningless email from some female to your guy... you hear a voicemail. It's all just enough to pique your imagination. It's just so scandalous. But you don't say anything, because there is always that what if....

So where does one go from here? Does one decide to employ any of this wonderful logic and rid herself of said guy? No, C'mon. We're trying to "Stand by" our "Man". We're hoping and praying that this guy is the "Prince". That he isn't like every other XY Chromosome walking around out there. Guess what? The faerie tales were wrong, ladies. What you didn't hear about after the "Happily Ever After" nonsense was Prince Phillip badmouthing Princess Aurora to his buddies, complaining about her "incessant nagging" and "growing waistline" that she didn't get until "after she popped a few brats out". Yah, everything is great in the beginning, just give it time.

I know, it's not always like that, I'm just generalizing. Maybe I see my friends falling into the same patterns I've been through time and time again.  Maybe, maybe, maybe... Maybe I'm just tired of wasting my time hoping that everything will turn out rosie one day. Maybe I'm just seeing things in a little different light than I usually like to allow myself. Maybe I just like to talk..Oh, I can read all the comments now: 'But, Summer... Why are you so cynical? I thought you were happily involved in a relationship???' Well, who says I'm not the happiest little peach on the tree? Maybe I'm just waiting to fall....

Bottom line is this: if we keep lying to ourselves, justifying everything to ourselves, making excuses for the entire species on OUR account no less? We will never get closer to the "real thing", and happiness will continue to elude. How can you get angry when someone lies to you, when you are lying to yourself the rest of the time, and who are you to judge a cheater, when you are cheating yourself of your own true worth?

Denial is a world of its own that we can inhabit into our surely demise, the price we pay is high, and I don't know about you boys and girls, but I refuse to live a lie. I cannot justify settling down for the sake of comfort or fear of the unknown. And personally, I'd rather go through this world alone, than sacrifice passion, tenderness and love.. because at least with each new hope my heart will flutter, and I will feel the quickening pace of my heart and life running through my veins.

Passion fades, and every relationship no matter how strongly it begins will mutate into that quite calm love that will become buried by the realities and responsibilities of everyday life: Men will cheat, women will cheat, everyone will lie, children will change the balance and suddenly you don't know how you got here. You forgot you chose it, as if at some point it all took a life of its own. You take consolation in a few things to fill in the emptiness in your heart, some chose god, others fall in love with their children and make them their life (to the detriment of the poor child), you become a workaholic, get a lover on the side, and settle into your routine, as you go on in your comfortable disillusioned life. And, before you know it, you are sixty, close to retirement, your children have their own life that doesn't include you and you find yourself mourning a long lost love and a life that could have been. Suddenly, you wish you took more chances, and no longer understand why you felt so strongly about the course you chose for your life in the first place. I think this is where the term 'young and stupid' came from.. and why wisdom comes with age.

This is not pessimism talking my friends, these are my observations and the reason why i uproot and will continue to uproot myself from any relationship that is harmful to me. No, contrary to common sense, I am a hopeless romantic, and will bear anything for love. But i will not bear to be treated badly or unfairly. I will not bear a partner who will not fight for passion and love, i will not tolerate disloyalty, lies or illusions. You can all say i have my head in the clouds, but you know something, i've seen true love, i beleive it, and i will have it... eventually.

Now, again, don't get me wrong. I am not against settling down. As with every woman my hormones do go wild every few weeks and I find myself on a floor in a corner molesting a pillow and begging for the husband, baby, SUV and back yard.

But, why must we succumb to desperation? Why must we allow ourselves to be cheated by fooling ourselves to remain in a relationship that is not right for us? Simply because it is better than the alternative? Why can't we simply have faith that the right person WILL come along (whether we seek them or not)?

And what do we do until then you ask?

Just Live. Be happy. Create a life for yourself that you will proud to share with that special someone. Happiness will not come from a relationship. Relaying on another person to make you happy is a recipe for disaster. It is an unfair burden we place on that person, because they are sure to fail. And when they do, they will be met with our disappointment and resentment. A relationship should simply be the icing on your already well baked, deliciously, devilishly, sinfully, tempting cake called your life!